ok. so i'm home now.  i'm really happy that i'm with grayson.. but i really miss everyone too. i just keep thinking how it's possible i may never see some of those people again. it sucks.. because i just love all of them soo much.. i don't know. and i'm insanely lazy and keeping in touch can sometimes be kind of annoying?  i mean of course i want to.. i just wish they lived here. it would make hs so much better. oh well..   i always came back from tip somewhat different.. hopefully in a good way.  and this year it has been that i'm more.. i guess.. well less passive.  i know what i want. does that make since?  well i don't really know what i want.. but the few times that i do.. i go for it. hmm stupid example.. but when grayson and i go out to eat.. you know how sometimes you just like really want to go somewhere?  well most of the time.. because i wouldn't want him to be unhappy and me pick.. he would pick. i mean he would beg me to for like 10 mins and i would say i didn't care.. i'm psycho i know.. but now i'm like i wanna go here.  i know it sounds stupid.. but i don't know.

anyways.. gosh now i feel bad. this girl that i'm friends with here wanted my xanga because she just got one.  but i want to be able to say whatever i want to in here.. so i wouldn't give it to her. i feel bad. oh well. and she's making a big deal about it.. this is stupid. oh well. i still love her. ok now i'm getting pissed off because she's f'in spazzing out. and being a bitch. i don't appreciate this.

anywayys.. jennifer may! i know you've called me and i'm so so sorry i've just been really busy and i will tryyy to call you soon. i'm so sorryyy. i love you and miss you.

i'm getting really pissed at this girl so i'm getting off the computer now.

much love.

whats  uppp. i'm at tip. :) umm what to say.. it's funn tip always makes me happy. i miss my boyfriend though :( very very much. my class is really interesting.. we're learning how to start our own revolutions.. yea, i know you're jealous. well i'm gunna go and socialize.. something i never do..  just kidding. mwahhh

j dub

ok i have no time.. but i'm going to tip today and i'm so very very excited!  and hannah, catherine, allison, and i are all in the same rag  we already know because allison's mom called. her dad died about a week ago. just randomly.. in his sleep. i feel so terrible for her.. i was crying that whole day when i found out. but she is so incredibly strong. i love her. and she's going to tip because her and her mom decided it would be good for her  and i'm so very glad that she is going and i definately agree that it will be good for her.
of course i am soo excited.. but grayson and i said goodbye last night.. and i was like hysterically crying.. i'm going to miss him so very very very very much.
well i love you all. i have an amazing 3 weeks.. jennifer may, jeff, abernathy, i will be thinking of you all.

much loooove,
j dub

i think this is about the longest i've ever gone without an entry so i figured it was time. so hmm, what's there to say.  this week is my last week of school. wooo hooo, it's about time.  but i know it's going to last forever.. that's how stuff like that works. buuut monday and tuesday are full days, and then wednesday and thursday are exam days.  wednesday i have chemistry and civics, and thursday i have pre-cal (i think i'm exempting french.) so those are only half days.  what's there to say.. oh i'm scared i'm going to flunk the pre-cal exam. isn't that great? haha. oh well, i'll survive somehow. i made a 90 on the last test we had!  that was exciting. haha. hmm.. 21 days till tip  exxxxcitteeementttt. yessss. exceptttt i'm gunna miss grayson mucho mucho much and i'm going to be depressed and crying and such.. but that will probably wear off somewhat once i get into tip mode. haha let's see what else.. i'm going to be a candystriper this summer. wooo. and i'm doing ib next year. no woo. we have to get a lot of community service hours and stuff like that.. and it's soo complicated, we have to have an adult supervisor with everything that we do and it can't be our parents.  and the person has to fill out this whole sheet about us.  and since i'm being a candystriper the coordinator for that will have to do all this stuff for me.. and i feel bad. because she wants you to do it because you want to do it.. because you want to help ppl and you're interested in a career in nursing or being a doctor or something. which i am, but it'll make it seem like i'm not since she has to fill out all this stuff for me about getting service hours. oh well. i can't help that. but umm what else.. i'm starting to think about colleges. i really have no idea where i want to go.  there isn't anywhere that really appeals to me that much. my sister goes to carolina.. and i like carolina, but she's a part of the whole greek thing.. sororities/fraternities. and i don't know if i want to do that or not. but she makes it seem like it's the only way.. does that make since? i don't know.  and then state.. nc state.. i guess i could go there.. but ib just gives you so many more options. but duke.. of course because of tip i've always wanted to go there.. but i've heard that the ppl there are all really weird. and then i guess there's appalaichan (sp?) but i've heard that was the pothead school of america. so i don't want to go there. so basically that takes out nc schools. which sucks.. because i don't want to go really far away. i love virginia though. i don't know why.. i just do. and i was really interested in uva.. but my dad said that it would probably just as greek if not more than carolina. booo. so i just really don't know. and washington lee is gorgeous but it's so small. bahumbug. opionions are welcome here. most people have some idea where they want to go.. you know?  and i just have no clue. and i like davidson.. but it's insanely hard to get into. this girl that's a senior at my school got into duke but not davidson.. how crazy is that?  but davidson's probably small anyway. i just have no clue where i want to go and i don't like it at all. but anyways.. new topic. SUMMER is almost here. yesssss. i'm so ready. i'm so ready to go to the pool adn the beach and just, i don't know. i'm really looking forward to this summer.. because hopefully me and grayson will be able to spend soo much time together. ohh anddd i really want my mom to let me go to greenville by myself. well, not necessarily by myself i just mean me driving.  because i want to go shopppingggg. and i have gift certificates for barnes and nobles and victoria's secret from christmas.. and i want to uussee them. and i would just feel very independent. haha. gosh this is really long. umm what else. grayson and i.. our 6 month anniversary will be like 4 days after i get home from tip.. and i'm really scared that everything is gunna be weird between us when i get back because i won't have talked to/seen him in 3 weeks. and i don't want our 6 month anniversary to be weird.. you know? goodness. i hope everything turns out alright.  buuut i'm sure it will. becauuuuse.. alright, already, we'll all float on.... right catherine? eeee i miss my catherine.  i haven't seen her since like november. and of course i miss everyone elseee mucho mucho much too. well at el momento i can't think of anything else to say and i'm hungry.. so i'm gunna go have me some unhealthy food. i swear once my metabolism slows down.. i'm gunna be so fat if i don't change my eating ways. buut anyways.. wish me luck on my exams. i hope everyone does amaaazing on their's.

peace & love,
j dub

( ) smoked  
( ) madeout with a member of the same sex
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) had sex

(x) had a boyfriend/girlfriend
( ) crashed a friend's car
(x) made out in a car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love.. or at least very close to it
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted 
( ) been fired

( ) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house - a friend's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) gone on a blind date - kinda
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher

(x) skipped school

( ) slept with a co-worker

( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
(x)been in an abusive relationship (emotionally abusive) 

(x) taken painkillers

(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched clouds go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game - probably, but i can't remember
(x) been lonely - quite frequently this year..
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake - supposidly when i was like 4, at the new bern mall. but i don't remember
(x) touched a snake
( ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat 
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light 
( ) been suspended from school 
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
( x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime

(x) pole danced

(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes 
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country

(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke  - at a sleep over, and in class all the time haha
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't 
(x) made prank phone calls  
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey

(x)worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in class
(x) Ate cat or dog  food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress  
(x) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 3 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week  
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x..kinda ) had a tree house - i had one of those ones in my backyard that you buy that's with a swingset and stuff
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone - i have before, not something i want to do again.. haha
( ) believe in ghosts
(x) have more then 30 pairs of shoes - it's possible.. i have many many pairs of flip flops
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say - not see what other ppl say.. but it was dress to impress day.. and i rebeled and wore really crappy clothes
( ) gone streaking
(x) pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - it used to happen once a week
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused  - always, ask any of my teachers
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn 
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone 
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) have a Britney Spears CD

(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked 
(x) French braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dipping
( ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house 
( ) been kicked out your house
(x) cried because of a song
(x) realized how lucky you are
( ) gone swing-dancing
(x) said yes before you knew what the favor was
( ) done an "attitude walk" in a public place - what?
(x) Stalked someone through away messages  - hahah hell yes. (not anymore)
(x) Wrote and performed a rap for a friend

surveys are awesome.. :)